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FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Pyramidal" published April 9, 2017 - Peter says: I know this is will sound crazy, but hear me out. What if a Pharaoh started by putting down one stone... then he got five other people to each bring a stone... then each one of them got five people to bring a stone, then each one of them got five people to bring a stone... Pretty soon there'd be like a million stones piled up! Steve says: So what you're saying is the pyramids were built using a pyramid scheme. Peter says: I'm only saying it's possible.

Pyramidal

April 9, 2017

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Good Eats" published April 2, 2017 - Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a tower guarded by a dragon. One day, a handsome prince came to slay the dragon and rescue the princess. So the dragon ate him. The princess cried and called the dragon names. 'STUPID DRAGON!' So the dragon ate her, also. Eventually, word reached her father, the king, who ordered his entire arm to fight the dragon. So the dragon at them, too. The End. Jason says: Quincy sleeps better when I read him happy bedtime stories. Paige says: YOU ARE SO WEIRD!

Good Eats

April 2, 2017

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Plum Position" published March 26, 2017 - Paige says: Whatcha doing? Peter says: Honing my baseball skills. Varsity tryouts are tomorrow. Paige says: It looks like you're just writing stuff. Peter says: I'm practicing my autograph. I've decided to let the other guys vie for the hitting and fielding slots while I nail down the plum position of fan favorite and media darling. Signing balls... posing for pictures... winks and fistbumps for the little kids in the stands wearing my jersey... I mean, I was made for this role. Hey wanna help me out? Pretend you're a TV reporter and lob me some fun questions. Paige says: Are you insane? Peter says: Wait, wait, don't start yet! Hold this pen like it's a microphone!

Plum Position

March 26, 2017

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Battle Lines Drawn" published March 19, 2017 - Jason says: Did you read the Sunday Funnies? Peter says: Not yet, why? Jason says: A year ago, some comic strip poked fun at "Pearls Before Swine," and today Stephan Pastis is finally getting even. Peter says: Why'd he take a whole year to respond? Wouldn't it be better to do it while it was still fresh in people's minds? Jason says: Of course it would, but remember that Pastis is a former lawyer. He probably proceeded slowly out of an abundance of caution. Peter says: I thought lawyers moved slowly for other reasons. Stephan Pastis says: Check it out! 2,459 billable hours! Rat says: That's not how this job works, you moron. Pig says: Don't bother. He's been drinking since breakfast.

Battle Lines Drawn

March 19, 2017

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Madness" published March 12, 2017 - Jason says: You picked frogs to beat herons? Marcus says: I like frogs. Jason says: Yeah, but they don't have a prayer! Marcus says: Whatever. I have them losing to water snakes in the next round. Jason says: I'm a little worried about the mosquitoes vs dragonflies matchup. Marcus says: I went with dragonflies. I hate mosquitoes. Jason says: Me too. Who do you have in the final four? Marcus says: Beavers, water snakes, turtles, and algae. Jason says: Algae?? Seriously?? Marcus says: I like to root for the little guys. Jason says: Hey, dad, you want to fill out a March Madness bracket? Marcus says: Yell louder. He's not looking.

Madness

March 12, 2017

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Jason John’s" published March 5, 2017 - Hi, I'd like a #4 and #9 to go, both with no ballast tanks. Also hold the nuclear reactors. And the propellers. And the periscopes. And the torpedo tubes. Sandwich Shop Employee: Um, our sandwiches don't come with any of those... Jason says: Thanks for letting me order the subs. Peter says: Will you just hurry up and finish? I'm hungry!

Jason John’s

March 5, 2017

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