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Bill Amend, Page 26

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Raining WHAT?!" published April 17, 2016 - Jason: Why do people say it's raining cats and dogs? Is it like a prank to get kids who want a free pet to run outside and get soaked? I mean, what do cats and dogs have to do with water, anyway? Wouldn't aquatic animals make for better imagery? Also why not use different species depending on the severity? If I said it was raining salmon and otters one day, and sharks and whales the next, you'd know which was heavier. Peter: So what would this rain be? Jason: It's pretty light. I'd probably just say it's raining leeches and roundworms. Peter: Eww! Yuck! Jason: See? And you can still prank kids if you want!

Raining WHAT?!

April 17, 2016

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Don’t Drop Me" published April 10, 2016 - Phone: I sense that this pocket is fairly small. Don't drop me. I sense that you're hopping down stairs. Don't drop me. I sense that this sidewalk is quite hard. Don't drop me. I sense that you're trying to disconnect my battery. Dont... Paige: About this stupid talking phone case you and dad brought me... Andy: We warned you there'd be consequences if you broke your screen again.

Don’t Drop Me

April 10, 2016

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Force Outs" published April 3, 2016 - Jason: Can you imagine how dominating a Jedi or a Sith would be as a major league baseball pitcher? HE could use the force to make the ball curve in any direction! He could use his mind tricks on the umpires so every pitch would be called a strike! In close games he could make the other team choke. Literally. The only problem is his lightsaber bat would cut the ball in two. He'd never get a hit. Peter: If he pitched in the American league he wouldn't have to bat. Jason: A perfect solution! We should have these discussion more often! Peter: We didn't have this discussion. And if you tell anyone we did...

Force Outs

April 3, 2016

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Easter Piggies" published March 27, 2016 - Peter: Fruit... Cheese... Salad... Brad... Seafood... Pasta... Soup... Veggies... Eggs... Sausage... Baon... Potatoes... Roast Beef... Ham... Turkey... Salmon... Cake... Pie... Tarts... Chocolate Mousse... Maybe a little more bacon... Andy: Guys, when they say "all you can eat" it's not a requirement. Peter: Says you. Jason: It's ok for me to take the whole shrimp bowl, right?

Easter Piggies

March 27, 2016

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Good News" published March 20, 2016 - Jason: Good news, Paige! Our favorite comic strip has a new book coming out! Paige: There's a new "Mutt's" book? Yesh! Jason: What? Paige: You said our favorite comic strip. "Mutts" is my favorite comic strip. Jason: Um, no, it's not "Mutts." Paige: What comic then? "Zits"? "Luann"? "Get Fuzzy"? "Peanuts"? "Garfield"? "Baby Blues"? "Dilbert"? "Big Nate"? "Hagar"? "Beetle Bailey"? "Blonde"? Are you talking about one of those webcomics you read? "XKCD"? "Penny Arcade"? "Hark! A Vagrant"? "Homestuck"? Jason: Forget I said anything. Paige: It can't be "Pearls Before Swine" because you "good news"...

Good News

March 20, 2016

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Tournamental" published March 13, 2016 - Roger: Roger Fox, you correctly predicted the winner of every matchup in this year's NCAA men's basketball tournament! How's it feel? It feels good, Roger. I just filled out my brack one game at a time, turned it in, and the teams did the rest. What can I say? Naturally you crushed, everyone in your office's betting pool! Any plans for spending your big winnings? Well, as you know I'm not the materialistic sort, but I do think a new car might be in order. Maybe a Tesla. Or a Ferrari. Or both. Heh, You'll certainly need a fast car with all the women who'll be chasing after you once word of this feat gets out, Mr. Ultrapercection! Andy: Mr. What?? Roger: Uh... You might want to invest in a more soundproof bathroom first. Good call, Roger. As always.

Tournamental

March 13, 2016

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